Narcissistic Abuse
Therapy
Narcissistic Abuse Therapy in California (Bay Area & Online)
I support clients healing from narcissistic abuse, codependency, emotional manipulation, love bombing, gaslighting, trauma bonding, and the chronic anxiety and depression that follow these relationships. Many people come in with low self esteem, people pleasing patterns, fear of abandonment, and the exhaustion of managing a narcissistic parent or partner. My approach is trauma informed and grounded in restoring your authentic self, blending psychodynamic therapy with IFS parts work and gentle somatic regulation.
Sessions are practical and supportive. We identify narcissistic abuse cycles, rebuild boundaries, strengthen core identity, and work through emotional flashbacks and self doubt. We address attachment wounds, guilt, shame, and the internalized criticism that often grows after long term narcissistic control.
Pacing is steady and compassionate. I am queer affirming and culturally responsive. The goal is freedom from narcissistic abuse patterns and the ability to build healthy relationships. I offer virtual therapy across California.
Narcissistic Abuse in Families: Patterns, Recognition, and Lifespan Impact
Narcissistic abuse is becoming better understood through growing research, including the work of Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Dr. Lindsay Gibson. Narcissistic abuse in families can leave deep psychological and emotional scars, affecting children, teens, and adults. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, caregiver, or family member, you may have experienced manipulation, gaslighting, emotional invalidation, favoritism, triangulation, or chronic criticism. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, codependency, trauma bonding, and CPTSD. Recognizing narcissistic abuse is the first step in healing and reclaiming your sense of self.
What Narcissistic Abuse in Families Looks Like
Narcissistic abuse often appears as persistent patterns of control, manipulation, and emotional harm. Children of a narcissistic parent may be idealized one moment and devalued the next, creating confusion, self-doubt, and perfectionism. Trauma bonding and codependent behaviors often develop as survival strategies in response to narcissistic abuse, leading to long-term emotional challenges. Gaslighting—where your feelings and perceptions are denied or minimized—is a common form of narcissistic abuse in families. Over time, survivors may internalize the critical voice of a narcissistic parent, leading to chronic low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
How Narcissistic Abuse Impacts Adults
Many adults who grew up with narcissistic abuse continue to experience its effects in their own relationships. They may struggle with codependency, trauma bonding, difficulty asserting boundaries, and fear of rejection. People-pleasing, fawning, or perfectionism are common coping mechanisms developed during childhood in response to narcissistic abuse. Adults may only fully recognize these patterns during major life transitions such as leaving home, starting careers, parenting, or ending unhealthy relationships. Awareness of narcissistic abuse is crucial to break cycles of manipulation, reduce anxiety and depression, and restore self-esteem.
Why Recognizing Narcissistic Abuse Matters
Naming and recognizing narcissistic abuse in families validates your experience, clarifies patterns of trauma bonding, and distinguishes abusive behavior from emotional immaturity. Understanding narcissistic abuse helps survivors rebuild boundaries, reduce low self-esteem, and recover emotional autonomy. It also provides insight into the long-term impact of codependency, anxiety, depression, and CPTSD, and opens the door to healing and self-compassion.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Recovery from narcissistic abuse requires recognizing the patterns of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional neglect that shaped your life. Survivors can work to rebuild self-esteem, process trauma, and interrupt cycles of codependency and trauma bonding. Therapy that addresses narcissistic abuse, including techniques for nervous system regulation, boundary setting, and self-compassion, can help survivors heal from anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and relational trauma. Understanding narcissistic abuse allows you to reclaim your voice, rebuild your identity, and create relationships based on safety, trust, and authenticity.
Even though labels and psychological frameworks cannot fully capture the lived experience of narcissistic abuse, naming it is a powerful first step toward validation, understanding, and long-term healing.
Narcissistic Abuse in Romantic Relationships: Patterns, Stages, and Healing
Narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships is increasingly recognized as a distinct form of emotional and psychological harm. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Dr. Lindsay Gibson describe how narcissistic partners use manipulation, gaslighting, and control to create long-lasting trauma. If you suspect you are in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, you may notice patterns of love bombing, devaluation, discard, trauma bonding, codependency, low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression. Recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse is the first step toward understanding your experiences and beginning the healing process.
Stages of Narcissistic Abuse in Romantic Relationships
Love bombing: At the start, a narcissistic partner often overwhelms you with attention, flattery, and affection. This stage creates intense attachment and can mask red flags. Many survivors describe feeling “swept off their feet,” while subtle manipulations begin.
Devaluation: Over time, the narcissistic partner shifts to criticism, emotional withdrawal, or subtle manipulation. Gaslighting becomes common, leaving survivors doubting their perception of reality. This stage often triggers anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and trauma bonding.
Discard: Eventually, the narcissistic partner may abruptly withdraw affection, end the relationship, or escalate manipulative behaviors. The discard phase reinforces trauma bonds and deepens codependent patterns, leaving survivors feeling abandoned, confused, or desperate to regain approval.
Impact on Survivors
Survivors of narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships often experience chronic low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and CPTSD. Trauma bonding, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and fear of conflict may persist long after the relationship ends. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and repeated cycles of love bombing, devaluation, and discard make it difficult to trust your instincts or rebuild confidence. Many survivors only recognize the patterns after multiple cycles or major life transitions, such as breakups or new relationships.
Assessment and Recognition
Recognizing narcissistic abuse involves reflecting on relational patterns, noting emotional manipulation, gaslighting, controlling behaviors, and trauma bonding. Survivors may benefit from evaluating how the relationship affected self-esteem, anxiety, depression, codependency, and overall mental health. Awareness is critical to breaking cycles of abuse, restoring boundaries, and reclaiming autonomy.
Why Recognition Matters
Naming narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships validates your experiences and distinguishes abuse from normal relationship conflict or emotional immaturity. Awareness allows survivors to rebuild self-esteem, set healthy boundaries, and reduce patterns of trauma bonding and codependency. Recognizing narcissistic abuse is the first step toward recovery, emotional freedom, and forming healthier, more authentic relationships.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Therapy for survivors of narcissistic abuse can focus on processing trauma, regulating the nervous system, and rebuilding self-esteem, confidence, and relational autonomy. Healing involves understanding the cycles of love bombing, devaluation, discard, and trauma bonding, and learning strategies to avoid repeating patterns. Awareness, support, and compassionate guidance can help survivors reclaim their identity, restore emotional health, and create relationships free from manipulation, gaslighting, and narcissistic control.
Codependency and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: Understanding Trauma, Patterns, and Recovery
Codependency and narcissistic abuse are deeply intertwined. Survivors of narcissistic partners, narcissistic parents, or emotionally abusive family members often develop patterns of codependency, trauma bonding, people-pleasing, and perfectionism to survive relational manipulation. These adaptations can cause long-term low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and difficulties asserting boundaries. Understanding how narcissistic abuse shapes your nervous system, attention, and relational habits is crucial to reclaiming autonomy and beginning true healing.
How Narcissistic Abuse Drives Codependency
When you experience narcissistic abuse, your nervous system treats safety and approval as central. Fuel for self-care and healthy boundaries may feel low, while attention and energy are consistently drawn toward the narcissistic partner or abuser. Trauma bonding develops as your body and mind associate relational connection with appeasement, compliance, and survival strategies. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and cycles of criticism or neglect reinforce codependency, making it difficult to distinguish your own needs from the needs of the narcissistic partner. Over time, these dynamics can create chronic low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
Everyday Examples of Codependency in Narcissistic Abuse
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You respond immediately to a narcissistic partner’s texts, even when exhausted or overwhelmed.
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You prioritize their moods, reactions, or imagined judgments over your own feelings.
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You replay past conflicts or anticipate future conflicts with a narcissistic partner, keeping your nervous system in hyper-alert mode.
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You freeze, fawn, or people-please to avoid conflict or disapproval, reinforcing trauma bonding.
These patterns are common in survivors of narcissistic abuse and perpetuate cycles of anxiety, depression, and diminished self-worth. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward healing.
The Nervous System and Relational Healing
Codependency from narcissistic abuse is not a personal flaw—it’s a nervous system response to chronic relational threat. Healing involves creating a safe “stage” where your self-boundaries, attunement, and inward reflection can work together. Fuel for self-care (dopamine) and attention to your own needs (norepinephrine spotlight) must be strengthened. When the nervous system stabilizes, survivors can balance connection with others while honoring their own needs, reducing trauma bonding, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Healing Strategies for Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse
Recovery from narcissistic abuse and codependency involves:
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Identifying patterns of trauma bonding, people-pleasing, and gaslighting.
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Rebuilding self-esteem and autonomy.
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Practicing boundary-setting in relationships with narcissistic partners or family members.
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Processing emotional abuse through therapy, somatic work, and reflective practices.
With support, survivors can disrupt cycles of narcissistic abuse, reduce codependency, anxiety, depression, and CPTSD, and restore authentic connection to self and others. Healing is about reclaiming your stage, letting your own needs take center, and stepping out of survival mode into empowered, self-directed living.
Family Estrangement, No Contact, and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Family estrangement is a growing topic in research on narcissistic abuse. Survivors of a narcissistic parent or emotionally abusive relatives often face difficult choices about how to protect themselves while maintaining safety and dignity. No contact, low contact, and grey rocking are strategies frequently used to manage relationships with narcissistic family members, reduce trauma bonding, and reclaim emotional autonomy. Understanding these strategies, their nuances, and available resources is essential for anyone navigating family estrangement.
Strategies for Managing Narcissistic Abuse in Families
Grey rocking is a method for surviving interactions with a narcissistic parent or sibling while minimizing emotional engagement. It involves staying neutral, brief, and unreactive—giving little material for manipulation or criticism. Yellow rocking is similar but allows cautious boundaries and selective emotional engagement, often used in limited contact or co-parenting situations.
Low contact means maintaining essential communication—such as for holidays or shared responsibilities—but keeping interactions minimal and predictable to protect your mental health. No contact is a stricter boundary: cutting off all communication with the abusive family member to stop cycles of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. Both low contact and no contact can be necessary for healing from narcissistic abuse, especially when trauma bonding, codependency, or CPTSD patterns are present.
How Estrangement Supports Healing
Family estrangement allows survivors of narcissistic abuse to stabilize their nervous system, reduce chronic anxiety, and rebuild self-esteem. It creates space to process emotional abuse, recover from trauma bonding, and develop authentic self-direction. Many survivors report that estrangement reduces depression, low self-worth, and hypervigilance, allowing fuel and attention to return to self-care rather than survival strategies learned under abuse.
Resources for Survivors
Healing from narcissistic abuse and navigating estrangement or no contact is challenging, but support is available. Options include:
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12-step or support groups for adult children of narcissists or survivors of emotional abuse.
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Healing workshops and retreats focused on trauma recovery, boundary-setting, and rebuilding self-esteem.
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Therapy that integrates trauma-informed care, somatic regulation, and strategies for managing codependency and trauma bonding.
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Community and peer support networks where survivors can practice boundaries, experiment with low contact, and share lived experiences safely.
Putting It Together
No contact, low contact, grey rocking, and estrangement are not about punishing family members—they are about protecting yourself from ongoing narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-trust, and reclaiming emotional and physical safety. Choosing boundaries is a legitimate, often necessary, step in healing from narcissistic parents, siblings, or relatives. With the right supports—therapists, 12-step groups, workshops, and supportive communities—survivors of family estrangement can reduce trauma bonding, improve anxiety and depression, and cultivate authentic connection to safe, healthy relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Q1: What is narcissistic abuse and how can it affect me?
Narcissistic abuse is emotional, psychological, or verbal harm caused by a narcissistic partner, parent, or family member. It often includes gaslighting, manipulation, criticism, control, favoritism, triangulation, and invalidation. Survivors frequently experience low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, trauma bonding, codependency, and CPTSD.
Q2: What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is any behavior that undermines your sense of self-worth, safety, or autonomy. Examples include belittling, shaming, controlling, isolating, or threatening, and it is a core feature of narcissistic abuse, often causing low self-esteem, trauma bonding, anxiety, depression, and codependency.
Q3: What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the abuser denies reality, rewrites history, or invalidates your feelings. Survivors may question their memory, perception, or judgment. Gaslighting is common in narcissistic partners, parents, and family members, reinforcing trauma bonding and low self-esteem.
Q4: How is narcissistic abuse classified?
Mental health professionals may reference Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in abusers, but narcissistic abuse can occur without a formal diagnosis. Emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and control behaviors are the defining characteristics, often creating CPTSD, anxiety, depression, codependency, and trauma bonding in survivors.
Q5: How do I know if I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse?
Signs include low self-esteem, chronic anxiety or depression, trauma bonding, codependent patterns, difficulty setting boundaries, feeling “stuck” in relationships with emotional abuse, and alternating idealization and devaluation in relationships.
Q6: What are the common tactics of narcissistic abuse?
Common tactics include love bombing, idealization, devaluation, discard, gaslighting, triangulation, emotional neglect, criticism, favoritism, and control through guilt or manipulation.
Q7: Can narcissistic abuse happen in families?
Yes. Narcissistic parents or siblings can create lifelong trauma bonds, codependency, and family estrangement, especially through emotional abuse, favoritism, or neglect.
Q8: Can narcissistic abuse happen in romantic relationships?
Yes. Romantic narcissistic abuse often follows a cycle of love bombing → devaluation → discard → hoovering, causing CPTSD, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and trauma bonding.
Q9: Can narcissistic abuse occur in friendships or workplaces?
Yes. Emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting can occur outside romantic or family relationships. Workplace narcissistic abuse may include undermining, favoritism, sabotage, and chronic criticism.
Q10: How does narcissistic abuse affect self-esteem?
Chronic emotional abuse, criticism, and gaslighting erode confidence, often leading to codependency, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and low self-esteem.
Q11: How does narcissistic abuse affect mental health?
It increases anxiety, depression, CPTSD, chronic stress, hypervigilance, emotional dysregulation, trauma bonding, and low self-esteem.
Q12: What is trauma bonding?
Trauma bonding occurs when cycles of affection and abuse create strong emotional attachment to a narcissistic partner, parent, or family member, making it difficult to leave despite ongoing harm.
Q13: How does codependency relate to narcissistic abuse?
Codependency develops when survivors prioritize others’ needs over their own, often stemming from family-based narcissistic abuse or romantic narcissistic relationships.
Q14: What is grey rocking?
Grey rocking is a survival strategy where you remain emotionally neutral and unreactive with a narcissistic parent, partner, or family member, reducing opportunities for manipulation or gaslighting.
Q15: What is yellow rocking?
Yellow rocking allows limited, cautious emotional engagement—used when interaction with a narcissistic family member or co-parent is unavoidable. It reduces conflict while maintaining boundaries.
Q16: What is low contact?
Low contact means minimal, structured interaction, often for co-parenting, holidays, or essential family communication, protecting mental health and reducing trauma bonding.
Q17: What is no contact?
No contact is a stricter boundary—completely cutting off communication with a narcissistic parent, partner, or family member to stop cycles of abuse and support healing from CPTSD, trauma bonding, and emotional abuse.
Q18: How do I start healing from narcissistic abuse?
Start by identifying patterns of emotional abuse, gaslighting, trauma bonding, and codependency, practicing grey rocking, low/no contact, and boundary-setting, seeking therapy for CPTSD and trauma recovery, and building supportive communities or peer networks.
Q19: What therapies help with narcissistic abuse recovery?
Effective approaches include trauma-informed therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS) or parts work, somatic therapy for nervous system regulation, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and group therapy for support and validation.
Q20: Are there support groups for survivors?
Yes. Options include 12-step programs for adult children of narcissists, online peer communities, healing workshops, retreats, and therapy groups. These reduce isolation and provide strategies for estrangement, no contact, low contact, trauma bonding, and codependency.
Q21: Can I fully recover from narcissistic abuse?
Yes. Healing involves ending trauma bonding, rebuilding self-esteem, practicing boundary-setting, and forming healthy relationships. Survivors can reduce anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and codependency, regaining emotional freedom.
Q22: How do I handle guilt or fear after going no contact?
Guilt is common due to narcissistic manipulation and trauma bonding. Therapy, peer support, journaling, and education about narcissistic abuse normalize these feelings and reinforce healthy boundaries.
Q23: Can estrangement from a narcissistic family member be temporary?
Yes. Some survivors choose temporary no contact or low contact while healing, while others maintain permanent estrangement for safety and mental health.
Q24: How do I know if I need professional help?
Seek therapy if you experience persistent anxiety, depression, trauma bonding, CPTSD, or codependency. Professionals help safely process emotional abuse, gaslighting, and narcissistic abuse trauma.
Q25: Can children be affected by narcissistic abuse?
Yes. Children of narcissistic parents may develop low self-esteem, codependency, anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting relationships, and trauma patterns, which can persist into adulthood. Early therapy and boundary-setting reduce long-term effects.
